Hear What They See

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Meanie

So, I'm not sure that I'm a very good mother. When I get on a picture taking tangent with Gretchen, the poor child is subjected to sitting and standing, leaning and posing, smiling and staring, with little or no regard for her what she would like to be doing (what she would like to be doing consists of two things: sitting on my lap with a boob in her face or being entertained, end of story; no sitting calmly and staring at mobiles or in her bouncer watching fish burble around with flashing lights, this kid must have human interaction at all times...talk about an extrovert).

Anyway, I had her in a new outift that someone gave her a few weeks ago. I figured I'd take a picture of her in it so I could include it in the thank you note. I'm under the impression that people like to know that you actually use the outift they get for your baby before your baby grows out of it, so I've started taking pictures of Gretchen wearing the outfits in her voluminous wardrobe. I do this also because it gives me an excuse for not having written the thank you note immediately, although I can't admit this out loud to myself (NOTE: writing it on a blog does not count for the purpose of saying it aloud in this particular instance [SIDENOTE: I have written over 235 thank you notes. I never knew you could write so many thank you notes. This will be yet another act of martyrdom I will be able to keep in my aresenal to hold over Gretchen's head as she grows older - "You have no idea how much I suffered on your behalf, NO IDEA, young lady. You just wait until you have a daughter and you swell up to the size of a sperm whale while you're pregnant and your feet are like loaves of Challah and you have to write 2763 thank you notes for all the baby gifts you receive for your thankless daughter." Exaggeration, mind you, will be a necessary component of the guilt trip. END SIDENOTE].)

I was taking pictures, giggling at how cute Gretchen looked perched on the little bench with Babar and Puss In Boots in her new duds, especially the hat, and how smiley she was being, when I started to notice through the camera lens that she was tilting forward. Now, I knew she was tilting forward, which meant she was going to plant her face into the couch. I also knew my photo-op minutes were running out since I had been subjecting her to about 15 minutes of this. There was that split-second, in the knowing she was tilting, when I had to decide if I should forgo the picture and catch her or if I should take the picture anyway. Mean mommy that I am, I took the picture.

Which basically means she landed face first on the couch and started to scream when she heard me laughing. I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Yes, I laughed at my child face first on the couch, Babar and Puss staring skyward like two bored butlers, her hat askance and her bootied feet spread-eagled behind her.

But the pose...it's like some old grit in the park, sitting with his cronies, leaning forward, one hand on his thigh, the other arm on his knee, getting ready to tell a really raucous story about that time he tied one on with the boys. That's the look that got captured and the incongruity of it on a baby is hilarious.

And yes, I'm a horrible mother.

| Mrs. Botton was at it again @ 11:15 AM